Freedom is Liberating but Terrifying

Monday, February 22, 2016

Ever since I could remember, I wanted to be my own boss. I wanted to get out of Seattle. I wanted to leave my family and start new. I wanted to be thin, pretty, and wanted. I wanted to be respected. I wanted to do cool shit with my life. I wanted a dream life.

I can remember wishing of these things like yesterday. Sitting at my first office job on my first day at 7:55am. It was the first day of my summer break during junior year and I had officially signed on to be the new secretary of this mortgage office in Kirkland. It was a total huge deal since I was only 18 and I got the gig over a lot of older, more qualified people. But, I remember, how much I hated the 8-5 routine, the strict lunches, and the dress code.

To get me through the day, I always kept my background a photo of Newport Beach as motivation (it still is years later). I promised myself I’d make it down there one day – by my own merit.

And as the years went by and the offices changed and with each following year that I grew society grl, I still had the same dream. I wanted to get out of this place.

I am not the same person who began any of this. Not all. I don’t even recognize myself anymore. In a good way. I’m happy I’m not the superficial, snobby, rude, and judgmental little girl that bashed people on the internet for fun. I’m so glad through society grl I was able to find myself and my future. She made me a better, stronger person much faster than I would have been otherwise. She forced me to learn about myself.

It’s hard to believe that I have graduated earlier and overnight began to be self-employed. Only a few get this opportunity. I know I’m very luck with my job and with my family’s constant emotional and financial support, too. With this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity facing me, I’m getting freedom that I’ve never felt before. Every little thing that I want to do – I can.

IT’S TERRIFYING. Freedom and the ability to choose what you want to do is liberating but terrifying. What if I fail? What if I lose everything? What if I regret quitting my finance job or not going to law school? What if in 10 years I regretfully wake up alone, single, and broke? But what if I don’t?

The next few months will be full of life changing experiences that I can’t wait to share with you, I just need to make the decision to actually make them.

I love writing for societygrl because I hope that someone out there maybe feels the same, and that maybe my writing will somehow help them be a little less lost. But besides the readership, I write because it helps me sort my thoughts, reflect, analyze, and choose the best way to handle a situation. It helps me.


Wearing Rent the Runway blazer + rings + bracelet.

American Apparel Jeans + AA 1 piece + Aldo Shoes how-to-make-holes-in-boyfriend-jeans kat-in-the-city-instagram kat-in-the-city-rain-photo rent-the-runway-accessories rent-the-runway-black-blazer rent-the-runway-handbags rent-the-runway-reviews rent-the-runway-ringsfear-isnt-real