I love writing. Or I used to love to write. I used to love to do a lot of things.
If you don’t know anything about me, here’s the gist. I graduated with a pre-law major a bit earlier and had quit my finance job and moved out to LA just a month ago working with societygrl full time. I’m 22, single, and do blogging (or the new term “social influencer”) full time. I’m Ukrainian and English is my second language. I love dessert and animals.
Sounds like the dream life, right? I thought so, too.
But then this stupid thing happened – I got scared.. of everything.
Stupid shit like walking out the door to find a new coffee place, to meet people, to take photos, to post on my social media, and even write. I don’t know what happened to me. I’m always a go-getter – the one that gets shit done and doesn’t let anyone stop me. I love to prove people wrong and shove it in their face.
But for some odd reason, I just can’t shake this terrifying feeling of fear and the fear of failure out of my head and heart. It’s paralyzed me and my creativity.
I moved out on my own doing something that I never thought I would be doing. I don’t know where I’m heading in life or with my career, I don’t even know where I’m driving. My whole life changed within a few months and even though it was just a move, it was much more challenging than expected. I pride myself on being a strong, driven person but it was just mentally difficult to process.
People tell me it’s normal. I don’t think it should be.
I don’t know if I’ll ever shake this feeling of fear, but I know that hiding in my home and watching Netflix is not the solution to anything. Being stagnant is not going to solve any problems. It’s not going to give me any solutions and the more I put my life on pause the more problems are created.
I may be terrified and alone in this city, but I publicly declare that I won’t let fear drag me down and hinder me from achieving something greater. It doesn’t matter how slow I go, as long as I don’t stop. One step at at time, one day at a time, I’m going to believe in myself and do what needs to be done, because no one else will.
And if by any chance, you’re feeling some of the same feelings I have described – don’t give up. Push yourself. We will make it.